This article, "Grief Is More Than Sadness: Healing the Body and Mind After Loss," was originally written by me and published on Counselling Directory and shared across their social media platforms. I’m pleased to share it here on my website so that you can access this information directly. If you are grieving, I hope these insights bring you understanding, comfort, and gentle support.
Healing the Body and Mind After Loss
When we think of grief, we often think of sadness. Yet anyone who has lived through profound loss knows that grief is so much more than an emotion. It inhabits the body — weighing down the chest, tightening the throat, stealing the breath. Grief is a full-body experience, one that touches every corner of our nervous system.
If you have ever felt like grief was pulling you under — heart pounding, muscles aching, mind foggy — you are not imagining it. Your body is grieving, too.
Loss and the Nervous System: Why Grief Feels Physical
Grief is not just an emotional wound; it is a biological crisis.
When we lose someone or something we love, our nervous system reacts as if we are under threat. The brain, which relies on patterns and expectations, struggles to comprehend the loss. Cortisol and adrenaline flood the system. Our body prepares for survival — even though there is no "enemy" to fight or flee.
You might notice:
- A racing heart or tight chest
- Exhaustion no matter how much you sleep
- Digestive issues like nausea or appetite changes
- Muscle tension or unexplained aches
- Brain fog and difficulty concentrating
This is your nervous system working overtime, trying to reorient itself in a world that no longer feels safe or familiar.
Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn: Natural Responses to Grief
Grief can trigger the classic stress responses, each showing up differently:
- Fight: You may feel irritable, frustrated, or angry.
- Flight: You might throw yourself into tasks, staying endlessly busy to avoid the pain.
- Freeze: You feel numb, disconnected, almost watching life from a distance.
- Fawn: You focus intently on caring for others, neglecting your own needs.
These are not flaws or weaknesses. They are protective adaptations of a nervous system in distress.
Grief and Anxiety: Why Fear Rises After Loss
Grief often mimics anxiety — sudden panic, a racing heart, dread without a clear cause.
Especially after traumatic or unexpected losses, the body remains on high alert, searching for danger.
It’s not just missing the person or thing you lost. It’s missing the sense of safety they helped create in your life.
Without them, your nervous system may struggle to feel anchored.
Healing After Loss: Body and Mind Together
Understanding that grief affects both the body and the mind opens a gentler path to healing.
Here are some compassionate ways to begin:
- Let Your Body Grieve
Movement can help release the tension grief traps inside:
- Gentle walking without goals or deadlines
- Yoga or stretching focused on breath awareness
- Shaking out hands or legs when overwhelmed
- Lying on the floor with legs up against a wall to soothe the nervous system
- Use Breath to Reconnect with Safety
When grief makes it hard to breathe, intentional breathwork tells your body: I am safe.
Try this simple practice:
- Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly
- Inhale through your nose for a count of four
- Hold the breath gently for four
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six
- Seek Safe, Non-Judgmental Connection
Grief isolates — but healing happens in connection.
- Spend time with those who allow your grief to exist without rushing you
- Join a support group or seek therapy
- Lean on people who understand that grief has no timeline
Human connection helps regulate a struggling nervous system.
- Talk to Yourself With Tenderness
You would never berate a grieving friend. Offer yourself the same grace. Healing is not linear. Some days will feel heavier than others — and that's not a failure, it’s a truth of being human.
- Give Yourself Permission to Feel It All
Grief is messy, contradictory, and sometimes surprising. You might cry, laugh, feel guilty, feel relief, or feel numb — sometimes all in the same day.
Every feeling is welcome. Every feeling belongs.
You Are Not Broken — You Are Grieving
Grief is not a problem to be solved. It’s a process to be witnessed, honoured, and lived through with as much self-compassion as possible.
As David Kessler reminds us, "Grief must be witnessed." That includes witnessing your own tender, courageous heart.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting.
It means learning to carry both the love and the loss within you — side by side.
If today your body feels heavy with sorrow, pause. Breathe. Be gentle with yourself.
You are not alone.