How Everyday Stress Can Be Linked to Past Trauma

Have you ever wondered why you react so strongly to things that don’t seem to bother other people?

Maybe you get startled easily, find it hard to relax, or always feel like something bad is about to happen—even when everything is technically fine. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

For many of us, this constant state of tension isn’t just “anxiety” or “being too sensitive.” It’s our nervous system reacting to past experiences, keeping us stuck in a loop of hypervigilance. And the worst part? We don’t always realise it’s happening.

Why You’re Always on Edge (Even When Life Is ‘Fine’)

Let’s get something straight: Your body is not overreacting. It’s responding exactly the way it was trained to.

If you grew up in an unpredictable home, dealt with emotional neglect, or faced traumatic events (even ones you don’t consciously label as ‘trauma’), your nervous system learned to be on high alert. It did this to protect you. And now, even though you’re in a different place, your body hasn’t quite gotten the message that you’re safe.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading trauma researcher and author of The Body Keeps the Score, explains that trauma isn’t just about what happens to us—it’s about how our body holds onto those experiences. In other words, your nervous system might still be stuck in survival mode, reacting to everyday stress as if danger is just around the corner.

How Past Trauma Shows Up in Everyday Life

You might not even realise that your body is carrying past experiences into the present. Trauma responses aren’t always obvious. Sometimes they look like:

• Being easily startled – Jumping at loud noises, sudden movements, or unexpected touches.
• Overthinking social interactions – Replaying conversations in your head, worrying that you said the wrong thing.
• Feeling drained after spending time with people – Because your nervous system is working overtime to read every expression, tone, or subtle shift in mood.
• Struggling to relax, even when nothing is wrong – Always needing to stay busy or distracted because stillness feels uncomfortable.
• Constant tension in your body – Tight shoulders, clenched jaw, stomach aches, or headaches with no medical explanation.
• Shutting down when overwhelmed – Feeling numb, zoning out, or avoiding responsibilities when things get stressful.

Sound familiar? If so, it’s not because you’re “too sensitive” or “dramatic.” Your nervous system learned that being on high alert was necessary for survival. And now, even though the danger is gone, your body is still waiting for the next crisis.

The Science Behind It: Why Your Nervous System Won’t Let You Relax

Your nervous system has two main modes: the sympathetic (fight-or-flight) response and the parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) response. When you face stress, your body releases cortisol and adrenaline, getting you ready to fight, flee, or freeze. This is great if you’re actually in danger, but when past trauma leaves your nervous system dysregulated, this response can become your default state—even when nothing is wrong.

Dr. Stephen Porges, who developed the Polyvagal Theory, explains that our nervous system is constantly scanning for cues of safety or danger. If you’ve been through trauma, especially in childhood, your nervous system may have become hypersensitive to threat. This means that even mild stress—like a co-worker’s tone of voice or an unexpected phone call—can send your body into full-blown fight-or-flight mode.

‘It’s Not That Bad’—But Your Body Disagrees

A lot of people downplay their experiences. Maybe you think, My childhood wasn’t that bad or Other people have been through worse. But trauma isn’t just about what happened—it’s about how your body responded to it.

You don’t have to have a single, dramatic event in your past for your nervous system to be affected. Chronic stress from growing up in a critical household, dealing with emotional neglect, or always feeling like you had to be “the responsible one” can have just as much of an impact.

Dr. Gabor Maté, an expert on trauma and stress, explains that “trauma isn’t what happens to you; it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.” So even if you can logically say it wasn’t that bad, your body might still be carrying the weight of those experiences.

So, What Can You Do About It?

If you’re nodding along, wondering Okay, but how do I stop feeling like this?, here’s the thing: You don’t need to “think” your way out of it. You need to help your nervous system feel safe again.

1. Learn to Notice When You’re Stuck in Fight-or-Flight

One of the most powerful things you can do is recognise when your body is in survival mode. The next time you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or on edge, pause and ask yourself:

• Is my body tense right now?
• Am I breathing fast or shallow?
• Do I feel like I need to escape or defend myself?

Just noticing what’s happening in your body can help shift your awareness from something is wrong with me to my nervous system is reacting to old patterns.

2. Give Your Body a ‘Safety Signal’

Since trauma keeps your body on high alert, finding ways to tell your nervous system you’re safe now is key. This could be:

• Breathing exercises – Try the 4-7-8 method (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8).
• Grounding techniques – Press your feet into the floor, hold a cold drink, or name five things you see.
• Self-touch – Placing your hand on your heart or rubbing your arms can help signal comfort to your body.

3. Rewire Your Nervous System Through Small, Consistent Practices

Healing isn’t about one big breakthrough. It’s about practicing small, daily actions that teach your body it’s safe again. Things like:

• Spending time in nature – Walking outside, feeling the sun on your skin, or listening to birds.
• Moving your body gently – Yoga, stretching, or even swaying side to side.
• Connecting with safe people – Talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group.

4. Therapy Can Help

If you find yourself struggling to break free from these patterns, therapy can provide a safe space to explore and heal past wounds. It’s not just about talking—it’s about learning new ways to regulate your nervous system, process old experiences, and build a sense of safety in the present.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken, You’re Healing

If you’ve been feeling constantly on edge, know this: You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting. And you’re not alone. Your nervous system is simply doing what it learned to do—to protect you.

But you don’t have to stay stuck in survival mode. Healing is possible, and it starts with understanding what’s happening in your body and gently teaching it that you’re safe now.

Take a deep breath. Right now, in this moment, you are safe. And that’s enough to start with.