How Trauma Can Make Everyday Tasks Overwhelming (and What Healing Really Looks Like)
Have you ever asked yourself:
“Why can’t I just get it together?”
“Other people manage work, friends, bills—why is it so hard for me?”
Maybe the laundry piles up. Emails stay unopened. You forget what you were saying halfway through a sentence. You feel exhausted, but you can’t sleep. Or sleep is all you want to do.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not lazy or broken.
You may be living with the quiet impact of trauma.
And it’s more common than you think.
Trauma Doesn’t Always Look Like What You’d Expect
When people hear the word trauma, they often think of one big, life-changing event: a car crash, a violent assault, a natural disaster.
But trauma can also come from things that don’t look dramatic from the outside:
- Growing up in a home where you had to stay quiet to stay safe
- Always being the one to hold things together, even when you were falling apart
- Being repeatedly dismissed, ignored, or put down
- Losing someone, slowly, over time
- Living through a pandemic that left you emotionally drained and disconnected
Trauma is anything that overwhelms your system and leaves a lasting mark—especially if you didn’t have the support you needed to process it.
Why “Normal” Life Feels So Hard After Trauma
When you’ve experienced trauma (even if you don’t call it that), your brain and body are often working in survival mode long after the event has passed.
You may struggle with:
- Memory gaps or brain fog
- Irritability or emotional numbness
- Feeling “on edge” all the time, even during small tasks
- A deep sense of exhaustion, even after rest
- Difficulty starting or finishing everyday activities
One client put it like this:
"I feel like I’m trying to run a marathon in sand—while carrying a backpack full of bricks."
That backpack? It’s the weight of unseen, unprocessed pain.
You’re Not Lazy. Your System Is Overloaded.
Neuroscientist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, explains that trauma doesn’t just live in your memories—it lives in your body.
Even long after something “bad” has ended, your body may still be operating as if it’s under threat. Everyday things—like answering a text or planning dinner—can feel impossible because your nervous system is still trying to keep you safe, not help you thrive.
You may find yourself asking:
“But nothing major happened this week. Why am I like this?”
That’s the thing: your body remembers everything you’ve pushed through.
The Hidden Grief in Trauma
One part that’s rarely talked about is this:
Trauma often carries grief.
Grief for:
- The version of you that was carefree, before you had to grow up too fast
- The childhood you didn’t get to have
- The time lost to anxiety or emotional shutdown
- Relationships that changed (or never formed) because you were protecting yourself
- The life you imagined… that now feels so far away
And because we’re so often told to “get on with it,” that grief goes underground.
But like all grief, it doesn’t disappear. It just waits—until it finds a crack to seep through.
Healing Is Not Linear (and That’s Okay)
Healing from trauma isn’t a checklist.
You won’t wake up one day and magically feel “back to normal.”
Because “normal” was never designed for someone carrying this much.
A model that helps many people is the Dual Process Model of Coping with Loss, developed by researchers Stroebe and Schut. Though originally designed to describe bereavement, it applies beautifully to trauma recovery too.
Here’s how it works:
- Loss-Oriented Processing
You allow yourself to feel the weight of what’s been lost. You honour it.
This might look like:
- Crying over a past version of yourself
- Sitting with sadness, instead of pushing it away
- Talking through your story with someone safe
- Restoration-Oriented Healing
You build new structures in your life. You explore new coping tools, routines, or relationships.
This might look like:
- Creating gentle structure in your day
- Reconnecting with activities that bring joy
- Learning how to rest without guilt
- Taking small steps toward goals—even if they scare you
You move between both of these, often many times a day.
It’s messy, non-linear, and completely normal.
Real Talk: What Restoration Looks Like in Everyday Life
Healing doesn’t always look dramatic.
Sometimes, it’s as quiet as:
- Getting out of bed, even when you wanted to hide
- Making yourself a cup of tea and sitting in the sunlight for a moment
- Letting yourself laugh at something silly
- Reaching out to a friend or therapist, even if your voice shakes
- Saying, “Today was hard, and I did my best.”
These are not small things.
They are acts of resistance against everything trauma has taken from you.
Therapy Can Be a Place to Begin Again
Trauma can leave you feeling isolated—even when you’re surrounded by people.
Therapy is where you don’t have to hold it all alone.
It’s a space where your story, your exhaustion, your grief—are all welcome.
In counselling, we work together to:
- Understand the patterns that keep you stuck
- Learn how trauma has shaped your nervous system (and how to soothe it)
- Gently explore your losses and what healing might look like
- Create tools and routines that feel realistic—not overwhelming
- Rebuild trust in yourself, step by step
You don’t need to have the “right” words.
You don’t need to prove your pain.
If life feels hard, that’s enough of a reason to reach out.
You Are Not Failing—You’re Healing
Everyday tasks may feel hard right now. That’s not a character flaw.
It’s a sign that your system is tired, not broken.
There’s nothing wrong with you for struggling.
There’s nothing weak about needing support.
You don’t have to do this alone.
And you don’t have to keep pretending you're fine when you're not.
If you're ready to take a breath—and begin again—I'm here.