Feeling like you’re never enough? Discover the hidden roots of self-doubt and emotional disconnection—and how trauma-informed counselling in Milnthorpe, Kendal, Carnforth & Lancaster can help you heal.
Why Do I Always Feel Like I’m Not Enough?
Understanding the Hidden Roots of Self-Doubt and Emotional Disconnection – And How Counselling Can Help You Heal
A Quiet Ache You Can’t Explain
You’re the one who holds everything together.
You’re doing “well”—at least from the outside.
But inside, there’s a gnawing sense that you’re falling short. That somehow, you are the problem.
You keep wondering:
“Why do I feel like I’m not enough, no matter what I do?”
If you’ve asked yourself this, you’re not alone. And more importantly—there’s a reason.
It’s not weakness. It’s not failure.
It’s something far deeper… and far more human.
It Didn’t Start With You—But It Lives in You
Most people think trauma is something catastrophic—an accident, abuse, a single terrifying moment.
But trauma is often more subtle than that.
As Dr. Gabor Maté explains:
“Trauma is not what happens to you. It’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.”
It’s the long, quiet absence of connection. The unmet emotional needs in childhood. The tension your mother felt while carrying you.
This is not about blame. It’s about understanding.
In-Utero Stress: How Emotional Pain Is Passed Down
When a mother is under stress—grief, anxiety, unresolved trauma—those stress hormones (like cortisol) cross the placenta. They enter the womb. They reach the baby.
The womb, once a safe harbour, becomes a place of tension.
If you felt unsafe before you even had words, your nervous system may still be wired for survival.
This might look like:
- Always anticipating something going wrong
- Overthinking, overdoing, or overgiving
- Struggling to relax, even in safe environments
- Feeling like love must be earned
- A quiet sense of “I don’t belong” or “I’m too much”
What Indigenous Cultures Always Knew
In many Indigenous communities, pregnant women were protected emotionally as well as physically. Those grieving or distressed were kept at a distance—not as rejection, but as a sacred act of care.
They understood something modern science is only now validating:
A mother carries not just a child—but that child’s nervous system, emotional blueprint, and sense of safety.
“I’m Not Enough”: A Nervous System Response, Not a Character Flaw
If you’ve carried the feeling that you’re broken or unworthy your whole life—please hear this:
It’s not your personality.
It’s your nervous system.
That feeling is your body saying, “I never got the message that I’m safe.”
You may have grown up:
- Without emotional co-regulation
- Without being truly seen or soothed during distress
- Surrounded by tension, criticism, or unspoken pain
So your body adapted. It learned to survive. And that survival became your identity.
You Don’t Need a “Big Trauma” for Your Pain to Be Real
You may have thought:
“But nothing bad happened to me.”
“I had a roof over my head. My parents did their best.”
“Others had it worse.”
Yes. And.
You can have had food, shelter—even love—and still carry invisible wounds from emotional neglect, chronic stress, or unspoken grief.
What matters is how it shaped your body, your breath, and your sense of self.
So How Do You Begin to Heal?
The good news?
What was wired in through disconnection can be rewired through connection and safety.
That’s where trauma-informed counselling comes in.
Together, we’ll explore not just what happened to you, but what happened inside you—and how that’s showing up now in your life, body, and relationships.
I help you:
- Understand the roots of anxiety, shutdown, or people-pleasing
- Track nervous system responses (like fight, flight, freeze or fawn)
- Create a felt sense of safety in your body—not just your mind
- Unlearn beliefs like “I have to earn love” or “I’m not enough”
- Rebuild your self-worth from the inside out
What Counselling With Me Feels Like
My approach isn’t clinical or cold. It’s relational. Warm. Slow—if it needs to be.
There’s no pressure to perform or be “fixed.”
You just get to be—maybe for the first time in your life.
I use nervous system-based methods like somatic awareness, gentle breathwork, and embodied curiosity. Not to rush healing—but to help your body learn it’s finally safe to let go.
Whether you're based in Milnthorpe, Kendal, Carnforth, or Lancaster, or joining online from elsewhere, you're welcome here.
Healing Is Possible, Even If It’s Slow
Some clients say:
“I’ve been like this for so long—I’m not sure it can change.”
But it can.
Your brain is plastic. Your body is wise.
Your story is still being written.
Even if your past shaped you, it doesn’t have to define you.
Do I Need Support?
You don’t have to be falling apart to benefit from therapy.
But you might notice:
- You’re always “on”—even when you’re exhausted
- You keep people at arm’s length but crave closeness
- Your inner critic never rests
- You carry shame you can’t explain
- You’re tired of coping and want to truly feel
If you're quietly nodding… that's a yes worth listening to.
Subtle Signs of Early Trauma
Unresolved trauma doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like:
- Chronic overthinking
- Avoiding conflict at all costs
- Struggling to trust even safe people
- Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
- Difficulty receiving love, compliments, or care
These are not flaws. They’re nervous system responses. And they’re treatable—with the right kind of care.
What Makes Trauma-Informed Therapy Different?
Trauma-informed counselling honours your nervous system as much as your story.
We go gently.
We stay present.
We build safety first.
This isn’t about re-living trauma. It’s about reclaiming connection—to your body, your emotions, your worth.
Counselling in Milnthorpe, Kendal, Carnforth & Lancaster
If you’re located in South Cumbria or North Lancashire, including Milnthorpe, Kendal, Carnforth or Lancaster, I offer online counselling.
Whether you’re seeking deep healing or just a space to feel safe and seen, trauma-informed support is available—and it works.
Final Thoughts – You Were Never Broken
If you take only one thing away:
You are not broken.
You are not “too much.”
You are not beyond repair.
You are carrying patterns that once kept you safe.
But you don’t have to carry them alone anymore.
Ready to Start?
If something inside you is saying *yes—even quietly—*you’re ready.
You don’t have to wait until it gets worse. You’re allowed to want more than just coping.
I offer trauma-informed, nervous system-based counselling to help you:
- Understand your story
- Reclaim your voice
- Reconnect with who you are beneath the survival patterns
You deserve to feel whole—not just functional.
📍 Serving Milnthorpe, Kendal, Carnforth, Lancaster & surrounding areas
💻 Online sessions available
📩 [Contact me to book a free 20-minute consultation]