Why You Freeze (or Snap) Even When You Want to Stay Calm
Understanding Your Nervous System Through Polyvagal Theory

“Why Did I React Like That?”
Have you ever:

• Zoned out in a meeting in Kendal or Lancaster?
• Snapped at someone you love during a stressful moment in Carnforth?
• Gone quiet when you really wanted to speak up — maybe at work or in your home in Cumbria?

Afterwards, you might ask:
“Why did I react like that? What’s wrong with me?”

Here’s something important:
There’s nothing wrong with you.

What you’re experiencing is likely a nervous system response — your body’s automatic way of protecting you when it senses stress, even if your mind doesn’t.

Your Nervous System Is Like a Smoke Alarm
Think of it like a silent alarm system that constantly scans for threat.
Its job?
“Am I safe… or not?”

It reacts faster than your thoughts — and depending on what it senses, it moves your body into one of three survival states:

• Connection (safe)
• Protection (fight/flight)
• Shutdown (freeze)

You don’t choose these states. Your body does — automatically.

The Polyvagal Ladder: The Three Nervous System States
Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains how our bodies respond to stress and safety.
It’s like a ladder — we move up and down depending on how safe we feel.

1. Safe & Social — Ventral Vagal (Parasympathetic)
This is your “rest and connect” zone.
You might feel:

• Calm and steady
• Able to connect, listen, speak kindly
• Grounded in your body

Examples: Laughing with friends in Lancashire, walking in the Lake District, feeling emotionally present.

2. Fight or Flight — Sympathetic Nervous System
This state prepares your body to defend or escape.
You might feel:

• On edge, irritable, anxious
• Racing heart, tight chest, fast breath
• Restless or reactive

Examples: Arguing quickly, overthinking during stressful workdays in Lancaster or Carnforth, feeling “wired.”

3. Freeze or Shutdown — Dorsal Vagal (Parasympathetic)
This is the “freeze” state — not rest, but collapse.
You might feel:

• Emotionally numb
• Foggy, dissociated, distant
• Too exhausted to act or speak

Examples: Sleeping all day, avoiding people in your life, feeling flat while living in the beautiful but isolating rural areas of Cumbria or the Northwest.

Isn’t the Parasympathetic System Supposed to Be Calming?
Yes — and that’s the interesting part.

Most people learn:

• Fight/Flight = Sympathetic = “Stress”
• Rest/Digest = Parasympathetic = “Calm”

But freeze (shutdown) is also parasympathetic — just a different branch.

Two Faces of the Parasympathetic System:

• Ventral vagal — calm, connected, grounded
• Dorsal vagal — shutdown, frozen, withdrawn

While both are “parasympathetic,” they feel very different in the body.

Freeze Is Not a Failure — It’s Survival
When your body senses that fighting or fleeing isn’t possible, it may shut down entirely.

This is dorsal vagal activation — your body’s ancient survival mode.
It’s not a conscious decision.
It’s your body saying:
“Survival means disappearing.”

In this state:

• Heart rate drops
• Breath slows
• Energy vanishes
• Emotions go offline

This is not laziness or weakness — it’s biology.

How Do You Return to Calm?
Not by forcing calm or “just thinking positively.”
But by working with your nervous system — step by step.

Helpful tools:

• Slow, steady breathing
• Grounding techniques
• Gentle movement (stretching, walking along the River Kent or Lancaster Canal)
• Connection with someone safe
• Naming your emotions without judgment

“Safety is not the absence of threat.
It is the presence of connection.”
— Dr. Gabor Maté

You’re Not Broken. You’re in Survival Mode.
Many people across Cumbria and the Northwest live outside their Window of Tolerance, swinging between overwhelm and shutdown.
You’re not alone in this.
And you don’t need to push through it alone.

Trauma-Informed Therapy in Kendal, Carnforth, Lancaster & Beyond
In my work as a trauma-informed therapist serving Kendal, Carnforth, Lancaster, and surrounding areas across Lancashire and the Northwest, I help people:

• Understand their body’s responses
• Reclaim a sense of internal safety
• Build a bigger, steadier Window of Tolerance

No shame. No pressure. Just gentle steps toward reconnection.

Ready to feel more regulated, grounded, and safe in your own body — whether you're in Kendal, Cumbria, or anywhere in the Northwest?
Let’s begin the journey.